Stacks of Guilt
by DarkestWolfx
Summary: Spoiler for 5x04. Mithian played her part in the plan well. Too well. But yet she could not even summon up the courage to say anything and hid like a child behind a friend. And after it all, her strongest emotion was not fear or happiness, but guilt. A oneshot looking at Mithian's feeling of guilt through different parts of the episode.


Okay here's my first fanfiction on this account. I have always liked Mithian and I felt so sorry for her in this episode which is why I felt determined to write this, so I hope you like it.

* * *

Mithian tried to push through her guilt and keep talking. She knew really that a part of her story was true and that she was only telling a twisted version of it, however she didn't really want to do so.

This was the same Princess Mithian who had once come to Arthur with the looks of marrying him after he had banished Gwen and looking at the Queen now she could understand why Arthur had wanted her for a Queen.

The first time that Arthur and Camelot had welcomed Mithian she was different to how she was now: she had a lighter shade of brown hair; had been much more well dressed; much more well in her own health; less fearful and worried and just generally a lot happier, although in her circumstances she couldn't be much better.

It was Merlin who had helped her to the Throne room the next day and helped her sit down in her shaky state and _'Hilde' _made not move to stop him, "They came at night. Without warning. We were… unprepared. We could not hold them." Mithian recounted before shaking her head and closing her eyes.

"This was three days ago you say?" Arthur asked; Mithian nodded.

"His men…" She reopened her eyes and looked the King in the face, "They showed no mercy… They cut us down like corn."

"Odin had no care for the suffering he causes." Arthur told her, talking from experience.

"And your Father?" Gwen asked.

"He was badly wounded, but we managed to escape."

"Where is he now?" Arthur asked, not seeing King Rodor having arrived with his Daughter and started to fear that Mithian's story would suddenly tell the worst.

"We made it almost as far as the border, but he could not continue any further. Odin's men will be searching for us. It's only a matter of time before they find him."

"I see." Arthur told her, but Mithian knew that the simple _'I see'_ didn't mean_ 'I see through Morgan's evil plan and Mithian's good part lying.'_

Mithian looked briefly over at Morgana who gave her a light glare and Mithian looked back straight at Arthur and shut her eyes to try and push through her guilt to speak.

"My Father is an old man. He cannot fend for himself. I have no one else to turn to but you Arthur. You're my only hope…" Mithian also knew that he was not only hers, but his own.

"Mithian, I understand how you must be feeling. And I will do everything in my power to help you." And that (despite being what Mithian had wanted to hear,) was not what Mithian had wanted to hear.

"Thank you, My Lord." She managed to conclude with through tears, which were not only for her Father, but for her own guilt.

* * *

They set out riding to Arthur's doom a little while later and despite Mithian's attempt at trying to tell Arthur she had only gotten a burn mark on her wrist that she was attempting to keep hidden. When she brought her horse to a stop, Merlin walked round and extended a hand out to her as she swung her leg over the saddle and placed her arms on to his shoulders as he helped her onto the ground.

When he looked down at her wrist he noticed the burn and Mithian knew that he had already noticed her fear of Hilde the other night.

"How did you get that?" Merlin asked her as Hilde came up to stand beside her.

"I…" Mithian knew that she would not like this, "I was bound by Odin's men, before I escaped."

"I'm sorry." Merlin replied before looking at Hilde, "I didn't realise that."

"It's a very painful memory. I'm sure she'd rather not dwell on it."

"Of course, I understand." Mithian looked at Merlin desperately as he walked off, trying to get him to pick up on her fear again, but knowing that she could say nothing in which could aid him. As Morgana walked away as well, Mithian stared down at the ground, puzzled as to how she managed to lie so easily and added another small stack to her already growing guilt for saying nothing.

* * *

They had rested overnight and Morgana had nearly found herself spotted and Mithian had desperately wished that she had been.

That morning she was looking for Merlin, but she hadn't managed yet to find him.

"Going somewhere?" Hilde asked appearing behind her.

"I need to wash." Mithian replied, having though already of her own backup plan.

"Do I need to remind you what fate awaits your Father should you try anything foolish?"

"I need to wash. That's all." Mithian repeated, trying to convince herself of the same.

"Don't be long." Was her reply and she set of quickly.

Mithian was not stupid and had found a rock that was similar to that of chalk and found a stone in a noticeable range of vision and began to scribe a name into it. She knew that if this failed, she would only have guilt to add to it. But then if it succeeded, the result would be much the same.

She found Merlin when she returned and headed over to him without delay.

"Princess." He greeted her, standing up.

"Good morning, Merlin."

"Can I help you with something?" He asked her kindly.

"I hope so," Mithian replied before looking to see Morgana stood watching her, "I… need this refilling, please." She quickly pulled out her water skin and held it for Merlin to take.

"No need. Here. You can have mine." Merlin replied going to give her his.

"I'd prefer my own. If you don't mind." It wasn't that she had anything against having Merlin's and if this was any other situation she would walk down to the river with him to refill them all, but she needed Merlin to go and she needed him to go alone. For if she went too then he would certainly be doomed and so would she.

"Not at all." Merlin replied.

"Thank you." And that was a thank you that she really did mean.

Mithian had asked and she knew that she shouldn't have. Now she stood behind the Knights and _'Hilde'_ looking as Percival carried Merlin over towards Gaius and Arthur with a head injury and probably worse injuries that they couldn't see from the outside.

As Arthur set off again – still not being swayed by this to change his course – Mithian stopped and looked down at Merlin, Gaius and Gwaine from above the ruined stones and watched as the young servant (who had always been kind to her while she was staying at Camelot) lay on a makeshift bed most likely dying from her own stupidity at trying to warn them of the danger ahead.

The Princess of Nemeth felt like crying as another pang of guilt swelled up inside of her again as Morgana or _'Hilde' _pushed her away to follow Arthur and the Knights. Mithian forcefully pulled her arm from the others grip.

"I warned you there'd be consequences if you tried anything." Morgana spoke in her ear and Mithian took a breath not wanting to face her guilt as she left the servant in a near death position that was all her fault.

* * *

They walked further and the more steps she took the more she felt that she was betraying the only friends that she had left in this world. She brought herself to a halt and felt Arthur walk up beside her.

"Are you sure of the way?" He asked her and Mithian knew that she had no doubt of the way for she knew the lands of Nemeth like she knew the veins on the back of her hand: she was tempted to answer either no or lead them the wrong way.

Mithian nodded her head, "Yes, we're not far now. If we keep heading east, the tomb lies just ahead." She replied before leading the King and Knights of Camelot, all under Morgana's watchful eyes.

"Is that it?" Arthur asked when they reached a strange looking set of rocks that formed the tomb where her Father was being held hostage.

"Yes," She replied while trying to stop her voice from breaking, "We should find my Father inside…" She trailed off unsure whether Morgana had actually kept her word.

"Let's go, then." Arthur ordered and Mithian looked after him as he led them all now into the perfect trap. Arthur handed out his orders to the Knights as they arrived and made all but one of them stay outside; Percival accompanied them inside.

Arthur placed a hand around Mithian's back and walked into the tomb with her, allowing her to take a lead once again to the placed were she had left her Father few nights ago.

Mithian took some deep breaths as she walked them through the tunnels and fiddled with her fingers, feeling her courage dwindling as she took every step closer to Odin and his men, but also her Father. She stopped and looked back at Morgana who glared at her intently and Mithian's bottom lip quivered as she went to tell Arthur the truth before he took any more steps towards his death.

Arthur looked at her in confusion and Mithian finally spoke.

"The burial chamber lies just ahead…" She thought about how she could end that sentence with a give away line, but she could find none, "End of that tunnel."

Arthur was first to enter the burial chamber and he looked around in complete confusion again. Mithian went pale and walked herself into a corner taking some deep breaths as she envisioned what terrible fate now awaited Arthur.

Arthur blinked and turned around to her, his confusion was evident, "I don't understand. Where's your Father?" When he caught sight of her pale face she saw his confusion double. Mithian shook her head and tried her best not to cry.

"He's not here."

"Then where is he?" Arthur asked her, a seriousness underlying the tone of his voice now.

"Arthur…" Mithian couldn't force her words out, but she was trying for it was now or never, although even now seemed too late, "I…"

Footsteps could be heard and Arthur turned to Percival and drew his sword as did the Knight. As Odin's men entered, Mithian made her way further into the corner and tried to become a part of the wall as the guilt rose up in her stomach again, adding another level to the already growing stack.

There was complete silence for a moment as the thirteen or so guards surrounded Arthur and Percival and Mithian was sure that the only sound in the tomb was her breathing or maybe her guilt playing out in front of her.

After a moment there were clashing swords and dying soldiers, although the odds were unfair. Arthur and Percival were doing their best, but still they were failing. Mithian gasped as she watched what would end up in Arthur and Percival's defeat knowing that she had played a part in it. Sadly she found that she could back herself into the wall no more.

Eventually the fighting ceased and three of the soldiers held Arthur and two held Percival with sword pointed at both of them.

"What wrong have I of done you?!" Arthur shouted at her as the soldiers forced him to his knees on the ground and Mithian let her guilt begin to show as Odin walked in.

"Arthur Pendragon. At last," Mithian saw her Father walk in behind Odin with some injuries and after taking in a breath dashed over to him and embraced him. None of the guards made to stop her seeing her as a harmless girl. Her Father kissed her head and held her while Mithian allowed the stack of guilt that had built up in her stomach and heart break up and wash over her as Odin talked to Arthur, "I've waited many years for this moment."

She knew that Odin would kill the King of Camelot and there was nothing that she could do to stop it.

"And not a moment too soon," Came a voice from behind them, "You are not along in having waited for this moment, Odin." Mithian breathed in and didn't dare to look as Hilde glared daggers at Arthur.

"Appearances can be deceptive dear Brother." The voice of the old woman was different this time and if Arthur and Percival had recognised it before they defiantly did now.

Arthur bit his lip, "Morgana…" Morgana laughed and Mithian looked at her now, taking deep breaths while holding onto her Father as a life line.

Odin had come to the conclusion of killing Arthur a long time ago and finally it seemed that his dream was going to come true after years of waiting. The King had raised a sword to Arthur when the floor rumbled and the ceiling began to cave in. Mithian stayed as close to her Father as she could as the ground underneath her feet trembled.

Arthur took advantage of this and began to cut down soldiers left right and centre. When it seemed like he was about to be cut down the solider fell and revealed Merlin and Mithian felt slightly better at seeing him alive.

"Hurry! This way!" He called and led them out of the tunnel as it caved in on itself. Mithian and her Father ran over to them and Percival grabbed his sword before following. The young Princess of Nemeth saw Morgan raise an arm to them, but nothing came of her proposed attack as they fled the tomb.

Once in the woods they ran and Mithian could barely find a way to stop her feet from moving, although she nearly tripped a few times when she missed her footing due to the fact that she wasn't really concentrating.

"This way!" Arthur shouted and pointed with his sword to the indicated path. The five of them ran into a wider part of the woodland path were three of Odin soldiers attacked them. Percival handed a sword to her Father, King Rodor and the three attempted to get rid of their enemies.

Mithian ran over to Merlin and stood behind him, placing her hand just below his shoulders and used him as a shield and a comfort (not that he minded that.) When they started moving again she let go of him and continued running.

"Leave me," She suddenly heard her Father's voice.

"That's not going to happen," Arthur replied and Mithian stood shocked that he was still willing to help her, "You're the reason we're here…"

"Leave me, save Mithian." Rodor told the King as Percival placed the Kings arm around his shoulder and Mithian also approached her Father. The young Princess felt that no one had any need or reason to save her anymore for she simply did not deserve it. She turned to face Arthur, unsure of what he was going to do and determined to protest that he left her to Odin and Morgana's clutches as well.

"Follow the ridge line." Arthur replied.

"What about you?" The King asked.

"We'll lead them the other way." Camelot's King told them and Mithian felt her heart sink again for he was not leaving her behind like he should.

"No!" She finally found her voice again, knowing now that she was free to speak her own will of words. Now she would protest.

"This is between me and Odin. You need no further part in this." Arthur told her cutting of what she had wanted to say.

Mithian shook her head at him as Percival and her Father set off and she followed along – guiltly - behind them.

* * *

When Arthur returned to Camelot alive he brought the news that Nemeth was Mithian Rodor's again and the Princess had many thank you for him.

"Odin had withdrawn his army from Nemeth and its lands."

"All thanks to you." Mithian told him as he walked over to her and looked her in the eye. Arthur tried to think carefully on what to say in reply.

"Well, everyone played their part." He decided on in the end.

"I know I played mine." Mithian replied finally finding the courage to speak her guilt, "Arthur…"

"Mithian…" Once again though, he cut her off, "You don't need to apologise. You had no choice." Mithian watched him carefully; her eyes flicking up from the floor to look at him while he spoke.

"I would have done the same thing had it been my Father."

Mithian smiled, "Camelot is fortunate to have a King such as you." She told him.

"It is I that is fortunate," Arthur replied, "Camelot would be nothing were it not for the courage and loyalty of its friends." He placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded at her to which she nodded back, the simple gesture signalling that he had forgiven her and Mithian knew now that she had no reason to keep her guilt for it had been forgotten and forgiven.

So as Arthur and Gwen left the room she took her Father's hand and smiled at him. For now she felt like Mithian: now she felt brave; courageous; happy and calm. For now she would return home and have her kingdom back and she would return to the Mithian that Arthur and Camelot had once known.

But she slightly promised as she held her Father's hand to never forget the guilt that she had held even if she had been forgiven by all.

* * *

Okay I hope you liked this and thanks for taking the time to read it. I hope to post more soon :)


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